Laos - Part I

I've lost count of the number of people we've met on this trip who have raved about Laos, going on and on about how gorgeous the scenery is, how nice the people are, the awesomeness that is 'tubing' (more on this in our next post), as well as how it's the one place they've found good cheese and crusty baguettes.

As tempting as it was to stay on in Chiang Mai and continue with our massage and kickboxing training, the lure of Laos was just too hard to ignore.

Our whirlwind tour began in Luang Nam Tha. We've heard there's some amazing trekking there but weren't really kitted out for this. For one thing, Karl only footwear was a pair of sandles, which aren't exactly ideal for the jungle. So instead, we signed ourselves up for a day of kayaking. I thought it might be fun for Karl to help me write about it so my text is red and his is blue:


SHEENA: We were part of a group of 8. After the very fetching life-jackets and helmets were handed out, we were all paired up into two-man kayaks.

Unfortunately, the kayaking gear was
more 'Sheena-size' than 'Karl-size'

Predictably, Karl and I got lumped with each other for the first half of the trip – unfortunately we don't make the best team when it comes to kayaking. We spent a large part of the journey fighting the current, lagging behind, trying to avoid low-hanging tree branches and paddling furiously to prevent ourselves from spinning around in circles.

Paddling - not easy

Just when we thought we'd got the hang of it, we approached the first set of mini-rapids. The current was pretty fast, but on this first one all we had to do was navigate ourselves past some bushes bizarrely growing in the middle of the river and towards the calm waters beyond.


KARL: I was the first to fall over, trying to get in the kayak before we'd even begun. I was also the first to fall out, at the first rapid. Clinging to a bush for dear life I noticed Sheena cheering at our success at the first rapid, only to turn around and realise she was celebrating alone. Despite previously being instructed to float down the rapids in the event of falling out, I thought “Fuck that, I'm not letting go” and tried to pull myself along the bush and out of the water. This was almost impossible and eventually I had to let go and floated down to where everyone was politely waiting.


Once Karl had climbed back in, we continued onwards. Falling in looked bloody scary and I was quite pleased that I'd managed to stay on board. I made it my aim not to fall in at all during the rest of the journey. We were warned that the next rapid was going to be bigger so we formulated a plan where Karl was captain and I did whatever he said. I'm no good at navigating so this worked for me. We were doing well for a while. This time we steered well clear of the first set of bushes and prepared to paddle hard to the left to avoid another clump. For a while we were convinced we were going to make it. But instead we collided head on, capsized and fell in. It turns out falling in isn't nearly as scary as I'd thought. All you have to do is lie back and let yourself float downriver until you get to calmer waters. A few seconds later, still clutching my paddle, our guide hauled me out of the river. But where was Karl?


I clung tightly to the bushes, and watched in slow motion as the Dutch couple's kayak collided with me and capsized. I was wedged between my kayak and the bush, the Dutch guy was wedged under my kayak while his girlfriend clung to a rock. Thankfully he surfaced, and we watched in slow motion while the French couple collided with us. It took all our strength to un-wedge the kayak and steady it while all three of us attempted to climb on. High-fiving, we floated down river and joined everyone else.


Our guides both jumped into the water to swim back and help the others, leaving me to single-handedly steer their boat to the riverbank. It was filled with lunch, bottles of water and other supplies, so this was no easy task. Several long minutes past and I was starting to wonder if Karl was ok. I had a little lump in my throat from swallowing a fly whilst steering the boat to the riverbank (it was hard work and I'd been breathing heavily, with my gob open). As I sat there hoping it wouldn't lay eggs in my belly, a kayak with three very wet and very tired looking people approached.

Whilst waiting for our guides to rescue missing paddles, flip flops and waterproof bags, we sat with adrenalin pumping and recounted our own versions of what had just happened. Although it was scary at the time, it made for an exciting story later. After one more small rapid (no one fell in), it was finally time for lunch.


Laos has a huge backpacker scene and it's hard to get away from the western and Thai food offerings. The one and only traditional Laos meal we ate turned out to be the best of the whole two weeks and is perhaps up there with the greats from our entire trip so far. Despite being really simple it tasted fantastic.

Lunch! Karl looks very pleased with himself as he
clutches his hunk of sticky rice

Three giant banana leaves formed a communal plate and everyone tucked in with their hands. We had juw (a spicy tomato chutney), grilled fish, steamed vegetables and sticky rice. Dessert was bananas. When the food was finished, the remains were wrapped in the banana leaves and thrown into the bushes to decompose.

The remaining rapids were going to be much bigger and our guides decided we weren't paired up correctly. Sheena got to freeload on the guide's kayak, I was paired with one of the Dutch guys. This turned out to be much better, and my new teammate and I stormed through the rest of the rapids easily, only once getting beached on a rock.


With our new pairings, each kayak now had one person who definitely knew what they were doing. I got to ride with the guide. This meant we were always the first ones to go through any rapids, and more or less guaranteed that I would stay on-board and safe for the rest of the trip. Although at one point I did almost get decapitated when we paddled towards a line that had been strung low across the river, managing to duck only just in time. The rest of the rapids were bigger and faster than any we'd encountered so far, but being safely aboard the guide's kayak I could paddle along and enjoy them without any fear of falling in.The rest of the time, we floated along admiring the scenery and chatting. When he asked whether we had a big river in London for kayaking, I thought of the murky Thames with centuries-old poo probably still lying at the bottom and said “No”.


My teammate and I were cruising along so comfortably we had a chance to lie back and watch the scenery pass us by. Laos is almost entirely jungle (something like 85% is unmanaged vegetation) with rolling hills, bizarre limestone karst formations and the weirdest trees/plants I have ever seen. The insects were just as interesting, and for the second half of the trip my kayak was home to a swimming, jumping spider that kept swimming back every time I threw it overboard.

These stunning rock formations are known as 'karsts'

Unfortunately, because the water was a little rough, we didn't really get a chance to take many photos during our journey down the river. So instead, here is one of us posing in a kayak, beached on some rocks by the riverbank, at the end of the trip.


Afterwards, we waited in a local village for our ride back to town. As Karl and I shared a can of strawberry Fanta, the French lady made a baby cry, the Dutch group politely declined an offer of fried rat from the locals and a very wrinkled old lady smoked a really big joint.

Part II: Coming Soon!